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Thursday, 17 August 2017

Hello and Goodbye baby

It's a girl, I knew it. But our connection wasn't strong. I could feel it as I always trusted my motherly instinct...

On June 13th, I found out that I was pregnant with our second child. I was a bit shocked as we didn't plan this but was happy yet afraid when I saw " Pregnant, 3+ " I was about 6 weeks at that time. The signs came in much earlier compared to Mika. I could feel it by the 4th week, nausea started kicking in but very very mildly. I remembered I was playing tennis at night when I just suddenly felt like vomiting but it went away quickly. This happened a few times but I just ignored it. 

After I missed my period, I knew I was pregnant. I went and bought the stick together with Mika and even FaceTime Sheena to teman me to do the test. I was very nervous. I peed on it and left it there for 3 mins. I couldn't even look the stick, so I let Sheena to do it!

Straight away from the phone I could hear her screaming : 

PREGNANT! PREGNANT!!! OMMMGGGGG HAHAHAHA!

Wow, that was fast! She didn't even want to surprise me. I was very happy but afraid as well. 

Was I even ready for a second child? Mika just started school and I had my freedom back.

I told Mika that I was pregnant and that he's gonna be a kor kor

This was his reaction :





I asked him to smile happily but he gave me this look. But of course, later he was happy after I slowly explained it to him. He was happy but I wasn't too sure if he fully understands it. Since that day, he kept kissing my belly and he will talk to our little baby. He would sing and tell stories too!

How Marcus found out was different..

He was out entertaining some clients that night. I hid the stick near me as I wanted to surprise him when he got back. But I was already so tired that I fall asleep by 9pm ( I'm making a baby yo, mama need some rest ) I remembered clearly that I woke up all of a sudden because I heard and felt someone was like going through my things and making quite loud noises.

It was Marcus searching for the stick at 12 am, DRUNK! 

He kept asking me " Where is it? "   "WHERE IS IT? "

I was like where what? ( half asleep )

He smiled and said : So, are you pregnant? 

I was like, how'd you know?

I saw the receipt! I saw the receipt! You bought the pregnancy test right?

Hahahaha I hid the stick but I carelessly left the receipt where we normally put our home keys.
What's even shocking that drunk Marcus could notice the receipt!

I just smiled and said  YES, we are :)

He was really happy as he wanted another one. He just stoned with a smile and started talking about how I should take care of my health, asking me to eat healthy food and start taking my prenatal vitamins.
He also made the doctor's appointment the very next day to confirm everything.

I told my parents during father's day dinner as they were traveling when I found out. We broke the news after dinner when I handed my dad his gift and I wrote whom are the gifts from and ended it with Baby M.

He knew right away I was pregnant! He was really really happy as it was also his birthday! 

Everyone was excited for Baby M.





We went back to the same doctor at Prince Court for our first checkup. I was very nervous as the doctor started to do the ultrasound. She said : Oh, definitely pregnant, the sac is already there! but there was no baby nor heartbeat. Doctor advised that maybe because it was too early and asked us to come back in two weeks time. I was ok at that time because the doctor never showed her nervous face and I thought yeah, maybe it's still early. 

Morning sickness was real bad after that. I was always on my bed and had no energy at all. Thank God my MIL helped me throughout everything, or else taking care of Mika would be much worst. I just wanted to sleep most of the time. This pregnancy was very different from Mika's. I was very into savoury dishes and I hated chocolate and ice cream. Weird right? Cos for people who knows me, I can't survive without chocolate. I even looked more hagged and pale. Not like Mika, everyone said I was glowing. I could feel my face sagging! LOL! and I had no mood at all.



I did the M O O N  &  W I L D photoshoot while I was almost 2 months pregnant. Yes, thats my new swimwear line which I am launching soon! More deets coming, I promise! I remembered I was suffering from morning sickness and that I asked Jillian to take over as art director. Most of the time I wanted to vomit but I had to work. I modelled in my new line because they said it's good to have your own face in your line, because you believe in it and want to be a part of it. Trust me, many times I wanted to choose another model but they asked me not too as they all will help me with the shoot. I have such great girlfriends :) 

I hardly even go out. I could barely eat and I've lost weight again. I just couldn't wait for my second checkup to confirm our baby. 

I remembered vividly the day I went to Prince Court alone that morning as Marcus had to finish some work and that he would meet me there. Normally we would have to wait about an hour or less to see the doctor but this time, it was only a 15 mins wait and Marcus still haven't arrived. 

I went in alone but was ready to see if there's a heartbeat. Doctor scanned it but couldn't find any. Then she opt for a vagina scan, just to double confirm. But nothing was there. I was pregnant, but with an empty sac. I was diagnosed with missed miscarriage where I still have all the pregnancy symptoms but with no baby. She then asked me to proceed with D&C which means

"Dilation (or dilatation) and curettage (D&C) refers to the dilation (widening/opening) of the cervix and surgical removal of part of the lining of the uterus and/or contents of the uterus by scraping and scooping (curettage)."

She gave me a week to process it and to give her an answer as I couldn't even talk after that.


I was very numb when I walked outside. I couldn't believe it. I just sat at one corner and stoned.

I called Sheena first to tell her the news as I didn't know how to tell Marcus.

She comforted me. Thanks LOVE!

When I called Marcus, he said his heart just dropped... and that he was reaching soon to the hospital to take me home.

He couldn't believe it.

I guess no one could?

But it's ok, I am feeling better now and I am working hard on my new baby :

M O O N  &  W I LD 

Luxury swimwear for the contemporary & chic women and chic

Do remember to follow MW on Instagram @moonandwildmy for more updates on when it's releasing! Will do another post on this, I promise to be more active again, to START EVERYTHING FRESH again :) 

Also, I will blog about my D& C experience in Prince Court soon. 

So do stay tuned! 

Happy Friday Loves

xoxo

Michelle 


Current song on repeat : ILYSB by LANY




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7 comments:

  1. i'm sorry you had a missed miscarriage dear :(
    A date soon so i can give you a big hug?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey Arisa, i just saw this! and yes date soon! :)

      Delete
  2. You're so strong! Very proud of your courage, hot mama. All the best with the fabulous new line; finally it's out! <3

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Cindy! hope to catch you whenever ur in KL! :)

      Delete
  3. Aww, take good care of yourself, Mich. *hugs* There will be another baby M! Love the M O O N & W I LD line, cant wait to see you upload more on Instagram.

    ReplyDelete
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